A good reminder for myself...

I've been pretty busy lately, GOOD busy, not complaining! Monday night I went to bed with intentions on having a super productive Tuesday, my son was going to my sister in laws so I could get my work done and my to-do list was a mile long! 

Well that's not exactly how it all worked out, and I was resistant to readjust, which resulted in a depressing unproductive day! 

It all started when I woke up at 5 am having a coughing fit over a tickle in my throat that keeps reappearing in the middle of the night. It's been disturbing my sleep for a week now. So I got up had my coffee, watched Dr.Phil, and tried organizing my thoughts. THAT didnt happen, they were all over the place up, down, left, right, circles, and zig zags. I was barely able to process a complete thought before another one interrupted it. I should have taken that as a hint but I told myself I would work on my to-do list after I dropped my son off. 

Got myself back in a grateful mindset and got the kids up and ready, off to school and dropped off. That part was easy!

When I got home the battle in my head started, I made my to-do lists and put unreasonable expectations on myself for one day. Bad choice.

I was sitting on the couch and couldn't force myself to get up and doing anything. After awhile of arguing with myself I got some laundry folded, and more going. But I was still feeling disappointed in myself, and guilty for wasting a whole day and getting very little accomplished. Self pity and self blame, more bad choices. 

Finally around 1pm I textd my mom asking her if she had a minute, she said yes so I called her. I don't remember word for word what I said but it was something along the lines of, "Hey mom, I don't know what's going on today, I'm in a funk. I haven't felt this depressed in a long time and I don't even have anything to be depressed about. I can't even pick myself up off the couch and I have a mile long to-do list. I feel guilty for getting nothing done today. " 

I'm so grateful I can call my moms and they know exactly what I need to hear or be reminded of. She reminded me that I was choosing to feel guilty, and how busy I've been and it's ok to take time for myself. I needed to recharge so I could keep doing everything I need and want to do for myself, my family and others. And she was exactly right, I have been going hard lately, and I have a really busy month coming up, including a 16 hour road trip that I've been arranging to move my Grandparents home before Christmas. 

My mind, body and soul were trying to tell me to take a day of rest and relaxation, that should have been #1 on my to-do list. But instead I wasted the day wollowing in self pity and self blame. Had I thought about all the ways I could have used yesterday just to take care of myself, it would have still been a productive day just in another way. 

By the time I processed all this it was just about time to pick up my son, so I wasn't able to do much. But I went and got a cup of coffee and had a nice chat with my Wifey on her lunch break. At least my attitude was changed and I wasn't beating myself up anymore. I told myself it was ok and I'll get it done soon. After that I knocked two more things off my to do list without even trying! AMAZING!! 

It's nice to receive these reminders, it helps put life back into perspective. I know how important it is to take care of myself so I can continue being a great mother, wife, daughter, friend, and sister. I simply was forgetting because it wasn't my original plan, I failed to readjust, and I let the negative thoughts take over. Because of that failure I have learned and grown, I will remember to listen to my mind, body and soul and I will be more willing to readjust when my day gets fully flipped around. With that said, I fully welcome and embrace each failure, without it my personal growth wouldn't be nearly as meaningful and authentic. 

I am grateful for all the heartaches, failures, bad choices, and dark paths I took. Without them I wouldn't be the strong, compassionate, grateful mother, wife, friend, and sister that I am. I am enough. 

Be Grateful. 

Learn from your pain..

I know when life seems to be going wrong and nothing's going right it's hard to see why you are going through what you are going through. A popular question we always ourselves is, "WHY ME?" That's your self pity talking, tell it to shut up! Instead of feeling bad for yourself, do something about it, and if there's nothing you can do about it, pray about it and release it to your higher power. Let go of all things you have no control over. 

It doesn't matter if you believe in God or not, but I believe we were all put on this earth with a plan and a purpose, and even though we don't always know what it is, I believe we all have one. I didn't realize what my purpose or calling was until I was 26, and even now I'm not 100% sure, I don't know what oppertunities will arise in my future, but I will embrace the possibility! I will continue shining my light wherever I go! 

Clearly I didn't realize as I child why I had a rough childhood, I didn't realize it was because God knew I was strong enough to handle it, and would one day be able to help and inspire others who were goin through the same thing. 

I didn't realize that the feelings and  emotions I felt as a child, were to prepare me for being a good, present mother. 

I didn't realize I was rapped to be able to help other woman who have been victims of sexual assult. 

There's a lot I have been able to puzzle together lately and it's a good feeling to be able to sort it all out. So next time, instead of throwing yourself a pity party, embrace it, know one day will you be grateful for this life lesson, stay strong, and keep going! Don't let life get you down! 

Be Grateful. 

"Grateful Gracie"

I just got back from reading to my daughters class, I wanted to share with them a story about gratitude and not just because its Thanksgiving time. The book is called "Grateful Gracie" and it's written by a friend of mine Jennifer Tissot, it's a story of little girl who teaches her brother about the amazing power of positive thoughts and gratitude.  Grateful Gracie- A Story About Gratitude

I wish I was I had this book growing up, I knew the idea of being thankful for what I had because there were other kids with less, but I didn't have a true grasp on gratitude and the power it holds. Luckly 26 years later I do know the power of gratitude and try to share it everywhere I go. I try really hard to sincerely say "Thank you" everywhere I go, keep my head up and smiling, and remember everyone is fighting battles that we don't know about. It's easy to be thankful around the holidays, but its so much more rewarding to be grateful all year long!

I now know the power that being grateful holds behind it, and I am so grateful I can share it with my kids.  I now know my life is full of blessings all around me. I used to place a lot of my happiness into materialistic things, having a nice house, car, clothes, vacations, spoiling my children with luxury gifts, and wanting to be able to buy what I wanted when I wanted it. THANK YOU GOD FOR HELPING ME OPEN MY EYES!

It was when I was at the very bottom of the deep, dark, black hole of my depression, I had nothing to hold on to anymore, so I grabbed onto gratitude, put my faith in it, and gave it a try. THANK YOU GOD FOR A SECOND CHANCE! I started doing gratitude rituals at night, in the morning, when I was upset, when I was driving, whenever a negative thought came to mind. It didn't take long before I realized I wasn't having many negative thoughts anymore, and everything I was thinking about was how blessed I am, and all the good things I do have around me and in my life. THANK YOU NATALY AND HAPPIER TEAM!

I'm not going to say I don't get any mean and negative thoughts, but I choose not to respond to them, I choose not to give them any attention, I choose not to listen to the self blame, self doubt, and self hate. Instead I encourage myself, love myself, and forgive myself. If I am not going to, why should anyone else? If I can't love myself and how freaking awesome I really am, how can anyone else?  I am worthy of love, forgiveness and respect! SO ARE YOU!

Due to all the self hate I had going on I let it affect my marriage, I made very poor choices, and wasn't thinking about all the blessings I do have, instead I was focusing on all I didn't. I was looking at the grass being greener on the other side. Because of my bad choices, it resulted in more bad things happening in my life. I thought 100% my marriage was over. My husband and I dug really deep, had the conversations nobody wants to have, and put it all out on the table. We knew what we needed to do, we knew what we wanted to do, we knew we were meant to be, and that we could get through this. We are a work in progress, and so far so good! I believe the hell and back we went through was to help us open our eyes to how amazing our lives really are, and the blessings that God has poured over us. He gave us a second chance, and he helped us stay strong to protect our children from what was going on, while we got our acts together. I am so grateful for that!

I love that you can feel the gratitude in my house now, my husband, my kids, and myself try really hard to keep it grateful!

Be Grateful.

Support yourself!

For most of my life I didn't really believe in myself, I didn't see myself doing big things, traveling the world, having many accomplishments or living a wealthy life. BOY WAS I WRONG!! I'm pretty awesome! #justsayin

It was just recently that I realized I had been legit depressed my entire life, as far back as I can remember. That doesn't mean I didn't have any happy moments throughout my life, but the place I would go shortly after it was all over. It was kinda like being in a really deep whole, and peeping my head out for some fresh air every now and again, but I always went back down. Even with the births of my children, the most precious gifts from God, there was still a part of me that was depressed. My children fill me with so much love, gratitude, compassion and selflessness, they hands down saved my life. But there was still part of me that was miserable with myself, with my past, my lack of accomplishments, my lack of wealth and a ungrateful heart and mind. 

Thank you God for giving me so many second chances! 

When my world was falling apart all around me, it made it easy to see all the little things that I ever took for granted. It really helped change my perspective on being grateful for EVERYTHING I have and am! I realized how strong I truly was, I realized how much pain and suffering I was protecting my children from while my husband and I got out shit together. 

Once I was able to be aware of all the self doubt and negative talk I was doing to myself, I focused a lot of energy on kickin them out! It took a couple months but HOLY MOLY was it worth it!! 90% of the time my mind is only thinking grateful, positive and kind thoughts, it just does it on it's own now! And when any negative thoughts start going I shut them down and stick up for myself. 

In my head I am always supporting, encouraging, and being kind to myself, I DESERVE it!! I don't need to be mean to myself, or beat myself up about what I didn't get done, I just think tomorrow is another day! I did the best I could do today! I find when I start my day with a positive attitude, readjust to any speed bumps throughout the day, and try my best, there's no reason to be upset with myself, and if there is, I just forgive myself! 

I know it's nice to have the approval of everyone around you, and you want everyone to support you in what you do, but realistically it's not gonna happen. There will always be one downer, it never fails, but you can't live your life and make decisions based on others opinons and remarks. I know I have God and my Gaurdian Angels always on my side, and they will help me and protect me, and have a plan for me. I know if something doesn't work out, that's ok, it wasn't meant to be! 

Be Grateful.

I loved volunteering!

I am so beyond grateful I stepped out of my comfort zone, took the initiative to sign up to volunteer and follow through, all by myself. That may not seem like a accomplishment to you but it was for me! 

Growing up I always wanted to get involved in our local Special Olympics but made every excuse in the book not to. A couple weeks ago I searched local volunteer opportunities and this Special Olympics bowling event came up and it was only 15 minutes away from me, I didn't even hesitate I emailed and signed up. I knew it was meant to be, I asked for an opportunity and one of my dreams was put in front of me. Thank you!! 

I showed up to the alley and started getting really anxious, I wasn't sure exactly where I needed to go, there were people all over the place and I didn't know anyone. I finally figured out where to go and signed in, I met the woman I had emailed with and ending up working side by side her and the other directors. What an AMAZING group of people! 

Once I was settled in and got over my initial nerves, I had so much fun! I never realized how competitive bowling is, but these athletes love bowling! Everyone was having such a good time, cheering each other on, giving high fives, and "you'll get it next time". It was so heart warming to watch, and the best part was they all said, "it was just about having fun!" 

While everyone was bowling I was speaking with one of the directors and she was telling me about all the programs they have and events coming up, it's amazing how much they have going on! And I can't wait to be part of it!! 

There were 38 lanes of bowlers and we presented awards to each lane, I had the honor of giving out medals, and it was truly a life changing experience being able to share in that excitement. I received some of the warmest loving hugs, most enthusiastic high fives, and beautiful smiles. I will never forget that day! 

I'm grateful to have been blessed by this experience, and found an amazing cause to donate my time too. I am so happy!!

I encourage everyone to step out of their comfort zone and find a cause your passionate about, donate and volunteer your time to them. You will make a difference in someone's day and you will be impacted. 

Be Grateful. 

Sometimes it's OK to be stubborn...

I said sometimes!! The sometimes I'm referring to would be when your standing up for yourself. There's ways to stand up for yourself without acting all "cray cray", and honestly more effective than screaming or yelling. I like to make sure I'm using "I" statements and speak with respect and kindess, even if we aren't on the same page. 

I used to speak out of anger and frustration, it made things worse than they already were. When your in a negative situation and continue adding more negative nothing will change. But if you are the positive in a negative situation, you can be the change. 

It's ok to be stubborn about something you are truly passionate about, a good cause you support, standing on one side or the other, but again do it with kindess and respect. We are all entitled to our opinions, even if we can't begin to wrap our heads around them. 

I like to think I'm stubborn with my kids, I know I could be stricter but they really are great kids. I don't give in very often, I hold my grown and it's when I see the stubborn gene has passed from one generation to the next. 

There are good ways to be stubborn! I'm grateful for my stubborn genes! 

Be Grateful.

Trick or Treat...

Halloween is such a fun time of the year! Yes, it can be expensive and chaotic but our children love it! It's the one time of the year it's ok to be anybody besides yourself! 

For my family it was an oppertunity to spend time together, make memories, have fun and face some fears! 

Last year was kind of a bust, my husband and I had been a month into hell, he was out of town working, my son was miserable from teething and wanted nothing to do with his costume, and thankfully my sister in law picked up my daughter to go trick or treating with them.  So this year I was determined to have a fun family Halloween! 

We all dressed up, I was grateful my husband broke out of his shell and dressed up a little, the kids loved it and so did I! My dad was even in costume too! 

We went to my in-laws where all my nieces and nephews were. Somehow we got split up into two groups, but we still had fun! 

I am so proud of my little Spider-Man, he was so brave and independent! He said "tic-treat" and  "tank-youu" to everyone! He was a good listener and walked the whole time! 

My little Clawdeen Wolf faced some fears last night, she does not like spooky decorations or dogs. With the help of her cousins encouraging words and support she made it past the spooky decorations and went to houses with dogs! I'm so proud of her! 

All in all in was a great night and I'm beyond grateful to have spent it with family! And we found out we have another niece or nephew on the way!! Exciting stuff!! 

Be Grateful.