Life Test

Things have been pretty hectic in my life lately! Operation move my grandparents from South Carolina to New York in less than a month, right before Christmas, made December fly right by! I felt like my to do lists were never ending and wasn't exactly sure how I was going to pull it all together but I knew I would! I am very grateful to have such amazing friends and family who are willing to help me and my family, without them I wouldn't be able to accomplish nearly as much as I do.

I feel like the past month, starting around Thanksgiving has been a life test for me. Remember in school you would have chapter tests and then one big unit test? That's what I feel like, I have accidently and purposefully been in a lot of situations lately where I am being challenged and need to overcome it. I have been in a lot of situations lately that would normally just make me flip a lid, cry, get angry, anxious, overwhelmed, and depressed. It seemed like God was testing me to see what I really did learn the past year, and how strong I believe in what I say, if I would remember what I had learned in these times of need, or if I would slip back into old habits and ways of reacting to upsetting situations. By the grace of God I was able to see this starting at Thanksgiving, and I had a great mentally ready for it, I remember saying in my prayers, "I know your testing me God and I'm ready, I know there is nothing we can't get through together". That was such a liberating feeling, it took away so much anxiety, fear, and worries!

Our original plan for Thanksgiving was to travel to my moms house and be with them and my brothers and aunt, but due to a forecasted snow storm we stayed home. I blogged about it, but long story short, instead of being upset we couldn't go, I got my game face on and made my very first Thanksgiving dinner by myself! And it turned out to be our best Thanksgiving yet! Along with everything that goes along with moving people from one state to another, that to do list was a mile long, I was on the phone getting estimates for moving companies and truck rentals, making reservations for traveling, I mean it was just a lot to organize and try to accomplish in a short period of time, but WE MADE IT! Thank you GOD we made it with only minor hurtles, both worked out just fine! Instead of taking a rental car we took a cab and it cost a little extra but ultimately the driver was awesome, and we snuggled in the back seat and chatted. The moving company didn't do what I asked them to do, so my husband had to correct their mistakes before we could leave, but we were still able to get on the road within reasonable time! THANK YOU BABY! I don't care who you are a 16 hour drive is a long drive to do and well that was an INTERESTING ride! Moving on... getting them reestablished up here, right around the holidays has been a little tricky and stressful but we are getting through it with smiles on our faces! I still wouldn't have waited until after the holidays, having them at my house on Christmas morning and them getting to experience all the magic that was going on at our house that day was priceless! It made it all worth it!

After this past month I can't emphasize enough how powerful positive thinking and gratitude practices really are! Two of the biggest changes I made in my life, that have ultimately saved me from living a negative, depressed, angry life. It's so easy to get caught up in the things that aren't going right in your life, and forget about all the good things that are going right in your life. There is ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS something to be grateful for and when you are able to find the silver living in every situation, you will be so much happier! I know my God has poured blessings all over me and my family, we have had our struggles, but we always make it through, and that is by the grace of God, and I am truly with all my heart and soul grateful for that. Sometimes it can be easy to say God is picking on us, or he's not answering our prayers, but Pastor Buddy reminded us that, "God is not picking on us, he is pruning us." I couldn't agree more! I don't want God to solve all my problems for me, but I want God to help give me the strength and courage to get through my problems with love, compassion and kindness.

Take control of those negative, life sucking thoughts and turn them around into grateful thoughts. I don't care how silly the thought maybe, or its relevance to the situation, but it will get your brain waves going on a positive wavelength! It's all in your head!

As Always Be Grateful.

Guest Blogger- AJ Richichi

Hi! My name is AJ Richichi. I’m a positive thinker and believe in a common good in all people. Over the past two years, I’ve been working towards creating and fostering a positive community online, as I understand that the internet can brutally negative. It’s called www.ChronicleMe.com.

As part of the ChronicleMe team, I feel comfortable saying that we all find joy and take pride in spreading positivity. I’ll use aninfographic campaign as an example. The company uses its’ designers, developers, and marketing dollars to launch huge awareness and education campaigns. Our campaigns include topics such as sexual assault, domestic violence, suicide prevention, and cyber-bullying. We’ve reached over a million people and have worked alongside some of the most influential self-help organizations in the world.

The campaign was successful because of our audience’s generosity. Countless people shared, re-tweeted, pinned, and re-blogged our initiatives. Because of these efforts we were able to make positive change in the world. For that, I am entirely and utterly grateful.

I love people!

Now that I've come out my deep dark hole of my depression, and discovered my purpose, I love interacting with people! I'll be honest after working in the tourism industry and working retail I developed a dislike for people, I didn't want to go anywhere I would see anyone I knew, I didn't want to engage in conversations with anyone, not even my husband. I thought my ideal job was a office with a computer and no phone. I am so grateful I am not in that same place anymore! I now know it wasn't really the people it was where I was at mentally, spiritually and emotionally and work is where I was physically. I was suppressing a lot of emotions, dealing with a lot of bull crap at work and didn't know how to balance it all, and deal with the stress. Most importantly I was ungrateful and a negative angry person. 

Fast forward... I'm at a point in my life where I have the self confidence and passion to strike up conversations where ever I go, I walk around with my head held high, smiling and engaging with strangers. There are so many nice people out there, not saying I haven't run into some unfriendly ones but I just let it go, and I don't take offense to it. 

I really enjoy interacting with my Happier friends all over the country. I made a dear friend in France, and I am really enjoying our growing friendship. I really look forward to her emails, they always make me smile. I'm very blessed and grateful she reached out to me! 

If you've read my blog you know I don't use Facebook, but I have gotten into Twitter. I like it there's a lot of great people to connect with, and so many ways to learn and grow. I happened to see the #bloggerswanted so I checked it out, I came across a tweet looking for guest bloggers, I thought to myself "Hey why not? I've got nothing to loose! This is an oppertunity to share my love of life with others. I sent and email and wouldn't ya know in less than 24 hours I got a really nice email about my blog and being a guest blog. I was so excited!! 

I'm grateful I stepped out of my comfort zone, and reached out. I didn't really know what it meant to be a guest blogger, I'm new to this whole world, but I'm really looking forward to sharing my guest blogger with you tomorrow! 

As always Be Grateful. 

A good reminder for myself...

I've been pretty busy lately, GOOD busy, not complaining! Monday night I went to bed with intentions on having a super productive Tuesday, my son was going to my sister in laws so I could get my work done and my to-do list was a mile long! 

Well that's not exactly how it all worked out, and I was resistant to readjust, which resulted in a depressing unproductive day! 

It all started when I woke up at 5 am having a coughing fit over a tickle in my throat that keeps reappearing in the middle of the night. It's been disturbing my sleep for a week now. So I got up had my coffee, watched Dr.Phil, and tried organizing my thoughts. THAT didnt happen, they were all over the place up, down, left, right, circles, and zig zags. I was barely able to process a complete thought before another one interrupted it. I should have taken that as a hint but I told myself I would work on my to-do list after I dropped my son off. 

Got myself back in a grateful mindset and got the kids up and ready, off to school and dropped off. That part was easy!

When I got home the battle in my head started, I made my to-do lists and put unreasonable expectations on myself for one day. Bad choice.

I was sitting on the couch and couldn't force myself to get up and doing anything. After awhile of arguing with myself I got some laundry folded, and more going. But I was still feeling disappointed in myself, and guilty for wasting a whole day and getting very little accomplished. Self pity and self blame, more bad choices. 

Finally around 1pm I textd my mom asking her if she had a minute, she said yes so I called her. I don't remember word for word what I said but it was something along the lines of, "Hey mom, I don't know what's going on today, I'm in a funk. I haven't felt this depressed in a long time and I don't even have anything to be depressed about. I can't even pick myself up off the couch and I have a mile long to-do list. I feel guilty for getting nothing done today. " 

I'm so grateful I can call my moms and they know exactly what I need to hear or be reminded of. She reminded me that I was choosing to feel guilty, and how busy I've been and it's ok to take time for myself. I needed to recharge so I could keep doing everything I need and want to do for myself, my family and others. And she was exactly right, I have been going hard lately, and I have a really busy month coming up, including a 16 hour road trip that I've been arranging to move my Grandparents home before Christmas. 

My mind, body and soul were trying to tell me to take a day of rest and relaxation, that should have been #1 on my to-do list. But instead I wasted the day wollowing in self pity and self blame. Had I thought about all the ways I could have used yesterday just to take care of myself, it would have still been a productive day just in another way. 

By the time I processed all this it was just about time to pick up my son, so I wasn't able to do much. But I went and got a cup of coffee and had a nice chat with my Wifey on her lunch break. At least my attitude was changed and I wasn't beating myself up anymore. I told myself it was ok and I'll get it done soon. After that I knocked two more things off my to do list without even trying! AMAZING!! 

It's nice to receive these reminders, it helps put life back into perspective. I know how important it is to take care of myself so I can continue being a great mother, wife, daughter, friend, and sister. I simply was forgetting because it wasn't my original plan, I failed to readjust, and I let the negative thoughts take over. Because of that failure I have learned and grown, I will remember to listen to my mind, body and soul and I will be more willing to readjust when my day gets fully flipped around. With that said, I fully welcome and embrace each failure, without it my personal growth wouldn't be nearly as meaningful and authentic. 

I am grateful for all the heartaches, failures, bad choices, and dark paths I took. Without them I wouldn't be the strong, compassionate, grateful mother, wife, friend, and sister that I am. I am enough. 

Be Grateful. 

Learn from your pain..

I know when life seems to be going wrong and nothing's going right it's hard to see why you are going through what you are going through. A popular question we always ourselves is, "WHY ME?" That's your self pity talking, tell it to shut up! Instead of feeling bad for yourself, do something about it, and if there's nothing you can do about it, pray about it and release it to your higher power. Let go of all things you have no control over. 

It doesn't matter if you believe in God or not, but I believe we were all put on this earth with a plan and a purpose, and even though we don't always know what it is, I believe we all have one. I didn't realize what my purpose or calling was until I was 26, and even now I'm not 100% sure, I don't know what oppertunities will arise in my future, but I will embrace the possibility! I will continue shining my light wherever I go! 

Clearly I didn't realize as I child why I had a rough childhood, I didn't realize it was because God knew I was strong enough to handle it, and would one day be able to help and inspire others who were goin through the same thing. 

I didn't realize that the feelings and  emotions I felt as a child, were to prepare me for being a good, present mother. 

I didn't realize I was rapped to be able to help other woman who have been victims of sexual assult. 

There's a lot I have been able to puzzle together lately and it's a good feeling to be able to sort it all out. So next time, instead of throwing yourself a pity party, embrace it, know one day will you be grateful for this life lesson, stay strong, and keep going! Don't let life get you down! 

Be Grateful. 

"Grateful Gracie"

I just got back from reading to my daughters class, I wanted to share with them a story about gratitude and not just because its Thanksgiving time. The book is called "Grateful Gracie" and it's written by a friend of mine Jennifer Tissot, it's a story of little girl who teaches her brother about the amazing power of positive thoughts and gratitude.  Grateful Gracie- A Story About Gratitude

I wish I was I had this book growing up, I knew the idea of being thankful for what I had because there were other kids with less, but I didn't have a true grasp on gratitude and the power it holds. Luckly 26 years later I do know the power of gratitude and try to share it everywhere I go. I try really hard to sincerely say "Thank you" everywhere I go, keep my head up and smiling, and remember everyone is fighting battles that we don't know about. It's easy to be thankful around the holidays, but its so much more rewarding to be grateful all year long!

I now know the power that being grateful holds behind it, and I am so grateful I can share it with my kids.  I now know my life is full of blessings all around me. I used to place a lot of my happiness into materialistic things, having a nice house, car, clothes, vacations, spoiling my children with luxury gifts, and wanting to be able to buy what I wanted when I wanted it. THANK YOU GOD FOR HELPING ME OPEN MY EYES!

It was when I was at the very bottom of the deep, dark, black hole of my depression, I had nothing to hold on to anymore, so I grabbed onto gratitude, put my faith in it, and gave it a try. THANK YOU GOD FOR A SECOND CHANCE! I started doing gratitude rituals at night, in the morning, when I was upset, when I was driving, whenever a negative thought came to mind. It didn't take long before I realized I wasn't having many negative thoughts anymore, and everything I was thinking about was how blessed I am, and all the good things I do have around me and in my life. THANK YOU NATALY AND HAPPIER TEAM!

I'm not going to say I don't get any mean and negative thoughts, but I choose not to respond to them, I choose not to give them any attention, I choose not to listen to the self blame, self doubt, and self hate. Instead I encourage myself, love myself, and forgive myself. If I am not going to, why should anyone else? If I can't love myself and how freaking awesome I really am, how can anyone else?  I am worthy of love, forgiveness and respect! SO ARE YOU!

Due to all the self hate I had going on I let it affect my marriage, I made very poor choices, and wasn't thinking about all the blessings I do have, instead I was focusing on all I didn't. I was looking at the grass being greener on the other side. Because of my bad choices, it resulted in more bad things happening in my life. I thought 100% my marriage was over. My husband and I dug really deep, had the conversations nobody wants to have, and put it all out on the table. We knew what we needed to do, we knew what we wanted to do, we knew we were meant to be, and that we could get through this. We are a work in progress, and so far so good! I believe the hell and back we went through was to help us open our eyes to how amazing our lives really are, and the blessings that God has poured over us. He gave us a second chance, and he helped us stay strong to protect our children from what was going on, while we got our acts together. I am so grateful for that!

I love that you can feel the gratitude in my house now, my husband, my kids, and myself try really hard to keep it grateful!

Be Grateful.

Support yourself!

For most of my life I didn't really believe in myself, I didn't see myself doing big things, traveling the world, having many accomplishments or living a wealthy life. BOY WAS I WRONG!! I'm pretty awesome! #justsayin

It was just recently that I realized I had been legit depressed my entire life, as far back as I can remember. That doesn't mean I didn't have any happy moments throughout my life, but the place I would go shortly after it was all over. It was kinda like being in a really deep whole, and peeping my head out for some fresh air every now and again, but I always went back down. Even with the births of my children, the most precious gifts from God, there was still a part of me that was depressed. My children fill me with so much love, gratitude, compassion and selflessness, they hands down saved my life. But there was still part of me that was miserable with myself, with my past, my lack of accomplishments, my lack of wealth and a ungrateful heart and mind. 

Thank you God for giving me so many second chances! 

When my world was falling apart all around me, it made it easy to see all the little things that I ever took for granted. It really helped change my perspective on being grateful for EVERYTHING I have and am! I realized how strong I truly was, I realized how much pain and suffering I was protecting my children from while my husband and I got out shit together. 

Once I was able to be aware of all the self doubt and negative talk I was doing to myself, I focused a lot of energy on kickin them out! It took a couple months but HOLY MOLY was it worth it!! 90% of the time my mind is only thinking grateful, positive and kind thoughts, it just does it on it's own now! And when any negative thoughts start going I shut them down and stick up for myself. 

In my head I am always supporting, encouraging, and being kind to myself, I DESERVE it!! I don't need to be mean to myself, or beat myself up about what I didn't get done, I just think tomorrow is another day! I did the best I could do today! I find when I start my day with a positive attitude, readjust to any speed bumps throughout the day, and try my best, there's no reason to be upset with myself, and if there is, I just forgive myself! 

I know it's nice to have the approval of everyone around you, and you want everyone to support you in what you do, but realistically it's not gonna happen. There will always be one downer, it never fails, but you can't live your life and make decisions based on others opinons and remarks. I know I have God and my Gaurdian Angels always on my side, and they will help me and protect me, and have a plan for me. I know if something doesn't work out, that's ok, it wasn't meant to be! 

Be Grateful.

I loved volunteering!

I am so beyond grateful I stepped out of my comfort zone, took the initiative to sign up to volunteer and follow through, all by myself. That may not seem like a accomplishment to you but it was for me! 

Growing up I always wanted to get involved in our local Special Olympics but made every excuse in the book not to. A couple weeks ago I searched local volunteer opportunities and this Special Olympics bowling event came up and it was only 15 minutes away from me, I didn't even hesitate I emailed and signed up. I knew it was meant to be, I asked for an opportunity and one of my dreams was put in front of me. Thank you!! 

I showed up to the alley and started getting really anxious, I wasn't sure exactly where I needed to go, there were people all over the place and I didn't know anyone. I finally figured out where to go and signed in, I met the woman I had emailed with and ending up working side by side her and the other directors. What an AMAZING group of people! 

Once I was settled in and got over my initial nerves, I had so much fun! I never realized how competitive bowling is, but these athletes love bowling! Everyone was having such a good time, cheering each other on, giving high fives, and "you'll get it next time". It was so heart warming to watch, and the best part was they all said, "it was just about having fun!" 

While everyone was bowling I was speaking with one of the directors and she was telling me about all the programs they have and events coming up, it's amazing how much they have going on! And I can't wait to be part of it!! 

There were 38 lanes of bowlers and we presented awards to each lane, I had the honor of giving out medals, and it was truly a life changing experience being able to share in that excitement. I received some of the warmest loving hugs, most enthusiastic high fives, and beautiful smiles. I will never forget that day! 

I'm grateful to have been blessed by this experience, and found an amazing cause to donate my time too. I am so happy!!

I encourage everyone to step out of their comfort zone and find a cause your passionate about, donate and volunteer your time to them. You will make a difference in someone's day and you will be impacted. 

Be Grateful. 

Sometimes it's OK to be stubborn...

I said sometimes!! The sometimes I'm referring to would be when your standing up for yourself. There's ways to stand up for yourself without acting all "cray cray", and honestly more effective than screaming or yelling. I like to make sure I'm using "I" statements and speak with respect and kindess, even if we aren't on the same page. 

I used to speak out of anger and frustration, it made things worse than they already were. When your in a negative situation and continue adding more negative nothing will change. But if you are the positive in a negative situation, you can be the change. 

It's ok to be stubborn about something you are truly passionate about, a good cause you support, standing on one side or the other, but again do it with kindess and respect. We are all entitled to our opinions, even if we can't begin to wrap our heads around them. 

I like to think I'm stubborn with my kids, I know I could be stricter but they really are great kids. I don't give in very often, I hold my grown and it's when I see the stubborn gene has passed from one generation to the next. 

There are good ways to be stubborn! I'm grateful for my stubborn genes! 

Be Grateful.

Trick or Treat...

Halloween is such a fun time of the year! Yes, it can be expensive and chaotic but our children love it! It's the one time of the year it's ok to be anybody besides yourself! 

For my family it was an oppertunity to spend time together, make memories, have fun and face some fears! 

Last year was kind of a bust, my husband and I had been a month into hell, he was out of town working, my son was miserable from teething and wanted nothing to do with his costume, and thankfully my sister in law picked up my daughter to go trick or treating with them.  So this year I was determined to have a fun family Halloween! 

We all dressed up, I was grateful my husband broke out of his shell and dressed up a little, the kids loved it and so did I! My dad was even in costume too! 

We went to my in-laws where all my nieces and nephews were. Somehow we got split up into two groups, but we still had fun! 

I am so proud of my little Spider-Man, he was so brave and independent! He said "tic-treat" and  "tank-youu" to everyone! He was a good listener and walked the whole time! 

My little Clawdeen Wolf faced some fears last night, she does not like spooky decorations or dogs. With the help of her cousins encouraging words and support she made it past the spooky decorations and went to houses with dogs! I'm so proud of her! 

All in all in was a great night and I'm beyond grateful to have spent it with family! And we found out we have another niece or nephew on the way!! Exciting stuff!! 

Be Grateful.

I'm grateful for my sister in laws...

I truly am blessed to have amazing sister in laws. We are all beautiful and amazing in our ways, we are similar yet very different. 

My husband and I both come from blended families, we know it's not easy to mix two families together and say hey we are a family now. 

I've always noticed this divide in our families, both sides. My families gap has closed a lot over the recent years, and now I'm determined to mend the gap on the other side. 

My kids have 7 cousins they could be a whole heck of a lot closer too. I remember growing up my cousins were my best friends, yes we fought but we were always family and family is so important! 

With some help from my sisters we have two family get togethers in the works with  all of the kids and grand kids. I'm so excited! 

 I'm grateful for my sister in law who never left my side during the roughest year of my life. She gave me hope, inspiration and love. She's inspired me in ways she will never know, and I'm so proud of her for her own journey and accomplishments. We have very similar purposes, thought processes, and beliefs, yet we are still very different in our ways. 

I'm grateful for all of my family members, it's just today I'm extra greatful for my sisters! 

Be Grateful. 

Let it go...

I'll be a 100% honest, I frickin love Frozen! I would be lying if I said I didn't know every word to every song and every line in the movie! Yes it gets annoying when you watch and listen to it all the time, but the messages in the movie are inspiring. The power of love can heal anything! 

I will proudly say a few times by myself I have rocked out to Let It Go and sang it at the top of my lungs. It felt soooo good! 

Who would think those three words have so much power behind them? I sure didn't! 

When I learned to let go of everything I had no control over it truly eliminated a ginormous amount of my stress and anxiety. 

I let go of all the hurt and pain from my childhood. I embrace the good memories I do have, and love the family that we are today. 

I let go of the not so great choices I made  in the past. I don't regret them one bit, if I had not been threw it all, I wouldn't be as strong as I am today. 

I let go of all the should have, could haves, and would haves of life. I stopped dreaming about what my life could have been, and embraced gratitude in every aspect of my life, and realized how truly blessed I am. 

I let go of the stress of the future, whatever happens will happen, and I will embrace those challenges as they arise. 

I let go of all the negative self talk. I talk to myself with the same love, kindness and compassion I would expect others to speak to me in. 

I let go of others mistakes that have hurt me. No one is perfect and no one should be expected to be. I forgive myself and I forgive others. 

I let go of my own personal expectation to be able to do it all. I now ask for help and graciously accept it. 

I let go of others problems that I can't  control. I pray for them. 

By letting go off all these negative thoughts and actions, I have made room for more positive, grateful and happy thoughts. I encourage everyone to just let it go!! 

Be Grateful & Let It Go.

Thanks to whomever made this image💖

It's alright if you don't know...

One of the things I used to stress out about was the unknown. It didn't matter what it was, but I was constantly making up scenarios that weren't existing and worrying about them. All of the stressing caused my anxiety to go through the roof! I would get myself all worked up over going places and doing things. I was always worrying about what others were thinking at that very moment. 

I used to stress myself because I didn't know what I wanted to spend the rest of my life doing. I felt like there was something wrong with me because I didn't know, I just plain and simple didn't know. And that scared the life out of me! Literally made me crawl into a deep dark hole of depression that sucked the life right out of me. 

My moms helped me realize I needed to live in the present, in the now. The time to  overcome battles is when they are actually infront of you, not made up scenarios in your head, of all the negative what ifs that could happen. 

It wasn't easy, but after consciously shutting down those negative thoughts, and redirecting my train of thought, I have noticed a huge decrease in my stress and anxiety level. When something happens I deal with it! Life happens, it's about how you handle it. 

I truly believe everything happens for a reason, as hard as that may be to see. We learn so much from our expierences, good and bad, and that makes us who we are. 

Let's not stress about the future, the past, and the uncontrollable. Instead let's embrace the NOW, and make it the best it can be! 

It's valuable to remember that their is only one amazing you! You are the only one who has expierenced your journey. I think it's important we all encourage ourselves and others to imbrace our authentic selfs, and let your let shine bright for everyone to see. We all have something unique to share with the world, it's pure bliss when you figure out! 

Be Grateful. 

Think Before You Speak...

First I would like to give credit to whomever created this picture, I don't know who you are but thank you! 

Second I would like to thank my mom for teaching my this valuable tool! 

I am 100% guilty of never thinking before I spoke, or speaking out of anger and hurt. I'm sure it is a huge reason I don't have many friends from my past. I accept that and I'm moving forward. 

It seems like a simple idea, think before you speak, think before you act, when in reality it takes a tremendous amount of self control. 

By resisting to say the first thing that comes to your mind in a negative situation , you are being the bigger person. You are NOT adding fuel to the fire! 

I know when my husband and I were fighting non-stop I would say the first thing that came to my mind, not considering how it would make him feel or how I wouldn't be able to take it back. We both did, there was a lot of honesty behind it all but it was the way we were approaching each other with it. We would hit below the belt way to often. Finally after many of phone calls with my mom she helped me realize what was going on. From then on I didn't respond right away, I would hear what he had to say and then think about my response. Wasn't to long after he was doing the same thing. We were finally speaking with respect and honesty. 

When I was still on Facebook, I witnessed a lot on people hiding behind computer screens not having a care in the world how their criticism was hurting others. I would see struggling mothers asking for advice, and others just blasting her with h*te. This was a huge reason I jumped the Facebook ship, I didn't want to be part of a judgmental, negative community.

Couple weeks ago I was talking with one of my friends, she said they were goin to protest against planned parenthood. All I could come up with was "oh", couple moments of silence and then I said " have a great weekend" and walked inside my house. I didn't want to have a debate about abortion with one of my new friends. I didn't want our different beliefs to put a divide in our friendship. I chose to respect her decision as I would expect her to respect mine. As a woman and a mother, I don't want anyone telling me what I can and can't do with my body. By no means and I turning this into a abortion discussion but my point being had I not thought before I spoke, I would have gone off on an angry rant on my thoughts. 

I've also noticed my road rage has mellowed out a lot, I used to scream, curse, flip off other drivers. (Without my kids!!) I've noticed now I just let it go, keep singing my music and take my foot off the gas a little. Now I'm not saying my road rage is completely gone, but I've definitly got it under control. 

I'm not asking you to filter yourself, and not speak up for yourself! I encourage you all to be your true authentic self, but to do it will kindness, compassion, gratitude and love. Consider it your contribution to making the world a kinder,  happier place! 

Be Grateful. 

I walk my own path...

I'm grateful I know I don't need to be somebody I'm not, and that I don't have to walk down the path my parents did, or my siblings. I believe everyone has their own path they are meant to walk, it may be similar to yours, or you may disagree with another's path but none the less it is their path and their choice. 

For awhile I used to be worried that my moms would be disappointed in me because I got married and had two kids instead of going straight from high school to college like my brothers did. But now I know they are proud of me for who I am and the amazing mom that I am. I remember when my mom found out I was pregnant she emailed me what I would consider "hate mail"  in which I interpreted basically telling me all the ways we weren't ready to be parents. It took few months for her to accept it but I was determined to prove them wrong. I knew I could be a good young mother, and yes we had our financial struggles but who doesn't. Luckly we had an amazing support system to help is through. By the time I was 7 months pregnant they were excited, threw me an amazing baby shower, and helped us get ready for our baby girl. I will say they are the best Mema and Cema my kids could have, all that turmoil is left in the past. 

I am grateful for my path and every one that has crossed it along my journey. I know some people were a blessin and others a lesson, but they are all still important in my journey. 

I am grateful I don't feel the need to compare my journey to anothers, or measure my failures and success next to another. 

I'm grateful I didn't go right to college and spend a bunch of money on an education I wasn't ready for. I'm grateful I trusted my gut and created my own path. 

I am grateful for my two amazing children, they encourage me to grow more and more everyday to make the world a better place for them. 

The best thing about walking your own path is your are in charge! You have a choice! If something isn't making you happy eliminate it! If you are lacking something add it into your busy schedule. You are in control of your destiny, you are the only one that can take charge of your life, and determine what is acceptable and what is not. You set the standards for how others treat you. 

It's so important to speak up for yourself, and I don't mean in a hostile way, but to simple say, "It upsets me when... Or it is not ok to speak to me like that." Speaking up and standing up for yourself are essential parts in loving yourself. If you embrace your self worth you will know that you deserve better. Change takes courage, but happiness is worth it!

I encourage you all to embrace your own unique journey and the path you walk on  and most of all Be Grateful. 

I used to be a bully...

I won't lie, I remember being a bully in middle school, a lot of it was being a bad friend, but I know I said some awful things, and hurt people in the process. I can't exactly pin point why I was so mean and hateful, I'm sure it had to do with my self confidence, rejection issues, lack of love and support, and a lost soul. It seems ironic I hated being bullied yet I still did it, it still doesn't make sense to me. I will say I was not the meanest person in my school, and the girls I bullied were a circle of my friends. It was always three against two or four against one, we were all horrible to each other. 

By the time we got to high school we all went our seperate ways besides passing each other in the hall or having a class together. After that I kept my head down and started hanging out with people that in the process I ended up making lots of bad choices, trying lots of bad things, and not making school or my future a priority at all.

 When I graduated I bounced town and moved to Colorado as quickly as I could. I knew I would never be happy there and wanted to get as far away from everyone as I possibly could! Even though I loved Colorado and all the friends I made there, it wasn't long before I was on my way back home due to dark choices every where I turned. I then found myself back in NY with a ton of debt and still a lost soul. It was a couple months later I met my husband and our chapter began.

I thought by escaping I was getting away from the bully's, I had a chance to start over where no one knew me. It's heart breaking to see how many adults bully other adults, or can't have conversations with out criticizing the other. This is one of the main reasons I quit Facebook, the amount of hate disgusts me. I love the idea of Facebook but I refuse to involve myself in a place with so much judgment and negativity. I don't even use the word "hate" in my daily life, I will say I don't like instead, I'm pretty sure my daughter thinks it's a bad word because I ask her not to use it. 

Why can't we all just get along? Why do we have to be so divided? Why does it matter if we are black, white, purple, blue or green? Why can't we turn all this negative into positive? WE CAN!! And it starts with YOU! By loving yourself, loving others and spreading kindness and compassion where ever you go, you will inspire at least one other person to do the same. You don't need a wallet full of money to help others, a simple smile in passing, stopping for people to cross the road and wave, helping a stranger for no reason, or volunteering your time are all great acts of kindness, among a million and one other simple little things. 

I challenge you to one small act of kindess today, and everday, it will "fill your bucket and someone elses." Ooooo tomorrow's post!! 

Be Grateful. 

My true few...

Growing up I never had a lot of friends, and the ones I did have either hurt me or I hurt them, or they were friends with me for the wrong reason. From a young age I was trying to find that missing love from my childhood, trying to find someone to give me the love and affection I was lacking from my mother. When I was 15 I discovered a group of friends from the town next to us. I felt like they really loved me for me, and they helped bring me out of my depression. Two of them with brother and sister, and had a mom who welcomed me into their home and took care of me like her own. I felt like they didn't judge me for my past or for my family. I felt like they truly were my best friends. We were together all the time, I actually had a circle of friends. After graduation and moving away, we still stayed in touch, and to this day they are the two out of eight that I still talk to. The best part is I don't feel like our relationships are any different now that we are grown up, we will always be there for each other, wish each other nothing but the best, and communicate once a month or so. 

One of my best friends from about ten years ago, is still like my big sister. We may not talk and hang out all the time but I still look up to her, respect her, and have her back. As we grow older our priorities change, our day to day routines change, and that's ok! That's life, that's part of growing up. I know for me, being a happy wife and mother, taking care of myself and my family is my number one, my true few respect that as I respect their  personal growth and agendas as well. 

I know it may sound silly but my bestest friends are my husband and my wifey. I used to say my husband knows me better than anyone else and in some ways that may still be true, but ultimatly I know myself better than anyone else. None the less he's still my best friend, and amazing daddy. He's been with me through hell and back, and even when we were on complelty opposite pages and at our worst we still tried to be respectful of the other. We aren't perfect and we are ok with that! I couldn't imagine my life without him, and I am forever grateful for all he does for me, our kids, and our family. My wifey is and has been a valuable jewel to me and my family. She is the other mother to our children, a support system, and most of all the bestest of best! I could write a post of all the reasons I love her! And maye one day I will! I try and tell her but she will never know how grateful I truly am to be her wifey. I couldn't imagine going through the past 5 years without her. I know five years might not seem like a long time but it honestly feels like forever, it's like our souls had been friends before our physical beings were. 

I wouldn't be who I am today without the amazing love and support from my parents. Truth be told my mom and I haven't ever had the best relationship until about 4 years ago, thanks to her personal journey and growth we are now in an amazing place. The place I always dreamed of as a child, and I am beyond grateful for that! She has become my mentor in leading a happy and positive life, and encourages my growth and journeys. Both my moms and I now have a great relationship, and I honestly thought that would never happen. I'm grateful my moms, brothers and I are now a big happy family! Again, I never thought I would have that! Better late than never!! For those of you know already know me, I have always been and will always be a daddy's girl. I'm sure I used to be a spoiled brat, but I promise I've grown out of that! For as long as I can remember my daddy has always been my best friend, my rock, my biggest supporter, and no matter how bad I screwed up, he was always there for me! And I am forever grateful that he did everything he possibly could to make me feel loved, wanted and accepted. My daddy has and will always be my best friend. Im grateful he and my husband have a great relationship too. I'm also beyond grateful he has an amazing relationship "poppas babies"! 

I have many relationships with my family and in laws that I'm grateful for as well, in each of their own ways. I'm grateful for each and every person that comes into my life, they are either a blessin or lesson, either way they have all played a part in who I am today. I'm grateful I know I don't need a large quantity of best friends, and that it's about the quality of the ones I do have. I'll always be grateful for my Happier family, even though I've never met a single one of them in person, they are an amazing support system and fantastic group of friends. Remember it's not about what you don't have it's about what you do have! Be Grateful.

My religion is simple...

Let me start by saying I don't believe one God is better than another, or that one religon is superior to the other. I also don't believe you have to be one religon or another. I grew up in a catholic school with religion being forced down my throat.  Both sides of my family are very religious, so I didn't really think I had a choice in what I believed in. I do have some good memories of going to the catholic school, but for the most part I remember the rejection, feeling like an outcast. I felt like I had my mothers sexuality tattooed across my forehead. I remember one parent who would only let her daughter come to my dads house so my moms "gayness" didn't rub off on her. After being with the same 25 kids for five years my family business wasn't a big deal anymore, until we blended into the public school system... It didn't take long for the  hundreds of new kids I was surrounded by to start picking on me in the halls, leaving nasty notes in my locker, harassing me online and anywhere else they saw me. I felt like I was being punished for my moms sexuality. By the time I made it to high school my head was so screwed up, I had no self confidence, no self worth, and felt like no one understood me. From around the age of 11 I had been seeing counselors, unfortunately I had never found one I connected to, and trusted. I can't even tell you how many we tried, I was just constantly telling the same story over and over again. By this time I had completely given up on god and any belief in anything. A couple years ago I tried figuring out what religon I would be a best fit with, which one had the same beliefs I did. As that search became exhausting it hit me, I don't need some one else's religion. I know I have a higher power that I believe in. I know I don't have to fit into a specific religion, I know what matters to me and what I believe in. I know that love, compassion, equality, and gratitude were all my religion needed. If you haven't noticed yet I like to make my own rules, my own ways and my own paths. Even though my family is very religious my husband and I chose not to have our kids baptized catholic like everyone else in the family. We didn't believe in baptizing them in a religon we didn't agree with. That was our choice and we feel good about it. The power to realize you have a choice in every situation is a very strong power, you are allowing yourself to love yourself and not force yourself to do something or be somewhere that doesn't make you feel happy or at peace. I don't carewhat religion anyone chooses to be part of, I encourage everyone to have faith in something whatever it may be, along with faith in yourself, always believe you can and you will! I will continue walking with my love soldiers and maybe one day I'll find a predefined religion I want to be part of, but for now I'm perfectly grateful believing in my higher power. Be Grateful.

How I Shut up the negative voices...

I used to lay in bed at night and stress about everything and anything, especially things I had no control over; A big snow storm, money, all the things I meant to do that day, how horrible would the tourists be at work the next day, holding onto negative comments from other people, or problems in other peoples life's that I couldn't do anything about, except be there for moral support. These voices never stopped all day long, I honestly thought something was wrong with me. Why am I judging everyone? Why are such mean thoughts crossing my mind? Why do I care so much what other people think of me? One day when I was upset and on the phone with my moms looking for support they told me what other people think of you is there problem, not yours. It took me a little while to process and understand that thinking but finally I did. If they want to judge me that is their own problem. 

     It wasn't nearly as hard to shut up the voices as I thought it would be. It only took a couple weeks of consciously kicking them out to where my subconscious was doing it for me. Yes sometimes they come back and I just say, " leave you are not welcome here!" And then i start thinking random happy thoughts, or listing off things I'm grateful for and I'm good! 

     My moms were always talking about affirmations and some of the ones they would show me or that I would find on my own I didn't really understand, I think it was the wording that set me back a little. My mom told me I could make my own affirmations, my own unique positive sayings to repeat to myself, to help me in any situations. Think about it, who knows you better than you? Who knows what you need to hear more than you? I do use bits and pieces of others affirmations to build my own.

      One morning before the kids got up I had text my mom saying I need an affirmation I can't come up with one. Given what was going on she knew exactly what I needed to hear, she sent me, "my religon is simple, my religon is kindess" inspirational words of the Daili Lama. I added patience onto the end to personalize it more. Another one of my favorites for when I'm feeling overwhelmed is, " I am me, I am here, I am enough, I got this!" I do believe affirmations are powerful ways to channel your thoughts and energy and send them into the universe for your higher power to find. I always get a very happy feeling when I send something to the universe and see it makes it's way back within days. You might be thinking I'm fruity loopy but that's ok! For example the other day when I was clearing my thoughts I said to myself "I wish dean would do this more, but he does work really hard, and I don't mind doing this it would just be nice if he did every once In awhile." And yes I probably should have expressed my feelings to him but I didn't feel like it needed anymore energy on such a silly thing. Well wouldn't you know two days later, he was doing what I hoped he would. He apologized for not doing it more often, and told me how grateful he is that I do it all the time! He made my heart so happy, and I did tell him the thoughts I had, but didn't say anything because I'm grateful for all that he does for us. Point of my story is, I believe the universe and higher power hear my thoughts and prayers and help in anyway they can, because they know I will always pay it forward. I am proud to say that 98% of the time my voices are grateful, positive, and supportive, and that truly makes me happy! 

Be Grateful.

My kind of meditation...

When I used to think about meditating, quiet and calm came to mind, to help bring you balance and peace. That's all fine and dandy but I'm not a quiet person! Which is why my best friend and I have our own way of meditating. Back when we were both dark angry souls we would listen to hip hop, pop, and rap self pity music and scream it as loud as we could. But NOW thanks to my momma for introducing it to us, we rock out to Nimo Patels CD, "Grateful". It has ten uplifting songs that always touch my soul in one way shape or form. His lyrics are full of truth, kindness, and gratitude. I know sitting and reading, or listening to other people preach about happiness and positive thinking can be exhausting, and if that's the case this CD may be just the thing you need. Don't have the extra money to buy it?! That's OK! He's giving it away on his website for FREE!! Who doesn't love free?! Also on his website you can find his story/mission, truly an inspiring story. All the songs are family friendly too! My kids love the CD and I love hearing their precious little voices singing alone. They don't know it but I know it's empowering them at a young age. I wanted to share some of my favorite lyrics with y'all....

"You’re the blessings that exist

The small things that are bliss

The gift to realize that

Everything is a gift"

"Throw your hearts up

Let it fly high

Let your love for all the world

Spread through the skies

Let it drop down

Let it all go

Spreading kindness to every

Single living soul"

"So keep loving,

It’ll change your heart, it’ll change your mind

And then you’ll start to change your eyes

So keep loving

Everything you touch, everyone you see

Will soon become, your family"

These are just a few of my favorite lyrics! I've seen his music help others to start making the change towards positive thinking and gratitude. Give it a chance you have nothing to loose!! Be Grateful. 

http://www.emptyhandsmusic.com/music/

What being happy means to me...

I knew I needed help, but I wasn't sure what kind of help I needed, I didn't really know what was wrong with me, I just knew I wasn't happy. I was having an awful time trying to just pull myself out of bed in the morning, my depression had hit an all time low. I was able to acknowledge I was depressed but still wasn't sure why, I had a husband who loved me with all his heart and soul, I had two beautiful children, a roof over our heads, but I wanted more. I played this horrible game of the grass being greener on the other side. I remember meeting my mom for lunch to talk and I couldn't stop myself from crying, I felt like I had no idea what to do with myself. For years I had been struggling with what degree I should go to college for, but could never make the leap because there wasn't a degree that got my blood pumping, something I thought I would enjoy getting up to go do everday. I love being a stay at home mom but I felt like I needed to have a means of support incase something were to ever happen to my husband and I had to provide for children. I wasn't giving myself the credit I deserved for all I was accomplishing every day, I had no understanding of my self worth. 

Now I know that happiness doesn't come from expensive possessions or lavishing lifestyles. To me it means completely loving yourself, everyone, and everything around you. It means being grateful for every blessing even if it's in disguise. It's about the millions of little things in life that tug at your heart strings. It means knowing this too shall pass and better days will come. It means forgiving yourself and others. It means sharing your heart and soul with others. It means accepting imperfections, flaws, and failure, as they make us the amazing us that we are. Remember there is only one incredible YOU! You are your very own unique mold, you have your own light to shine bright, you have your own story to tell, there will never be another you.  I will leave this at To be Continued, as I continue to grow I know my happiness will too. 

There is a Happier place...

It's been months now since I've retired my Facebook account and I can honestly say I'm much better without. There's too much negativity, bullying and narcissism on there for me. I do however use the awesome Happier app. It is an online gratitude journal to keep track of all your happy moments, along with courses to help you become a happier you. It's similar to Facebook in a couple ways; post moments and pictures for others to see and you have a mini profile. The huge difference is Happier is like a family, a support system, a judgment free zone, full of open hearts, love and compassion. I have friends all over the world now and they are some of the most amazing people I have ever met. If your looking for a fun easy way to start turning your attitude to gratitude and living a happier life, I highly suggest becoming part of the Happier family! Thank you Nataly and super awesome team for continuously making us a Happier place!  

It finally hit me!!

     It was when I stopped trying to figure out what premade mold I was suppose to fit into, that I realized I could create my own. This is the most valuable lesson I have ever taught myself. From the time we were five years old, grownups were asking, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” And our most common responses were, “A police man, a teacher, a doctor, a fireman, or a veterinarian.” Which is because at five years old that’s all we know, now by no means am I saying these jobs aren’t necessary and extremely valuable to the world we live in, but they are not the ONLY important jobs in the world. As a society we shouldn’t be trying to make young children figure out what their exact place is in the world, or what mold/stereotype they fit into. Instead we should be encouraging them to find their own unique self, their own special talents, dreams, hopes, desires and most importantly to love themselves just the way they are. This may be a hard thing for you to do if you don’t truly love and appreciate your own authentic self, which is key to true happiness.

      My life has been far from easy or perfect, from a very young age I was feeling emotions, in which I didn’t even know existed, let alone how to express them. Throughout my blog I will tell all my stories, in hopes to at least inspire one person to believe in themselves, and the power of gratitude, kindness, and compassion. I will not use my past as an excuse for the other dark paths I walked on, or not so happy journeys, instead I will show you how I looked into my past to help understand why I was making the choices I did. I do not regret my past one bit, I have embraced my past and grown from up. If it weren’t for my journey I wouldn’t be the strong person I am today. I went from crying over the smallest thing, to tackling obstacles head on! Looking back on my 5 year old self, or my 15 year old self, heck even my 24 year old self, I never would have imagined I could possibly be as happy and at peace that I am today. When my life was shattering around me, my mom tried teaching me about the powers of positive thinking and gratitude. Honestly I thought she was full it! I couldn’t or didn’t want to grasp onto the idea, it seemed like too much “work”. So I continued being miserable and depressed and my life kept going on without me. My husband and I ended up separating and it was then I realized I lost myself. I didn’t know how to be anything but a mother and a wife anymore. I didn’t know what I was good at, or what made me happy. I wondered if I had truly ever known myself, for as far back as I can remember I never really knew those answers. I knew this was my chance to figure it all out, I wasn’t quite sure how, but I knew something had to change. I discovered the Happier App (Online gratitude journal), I participated in a gratitude course they have, I listened to my mom and accepted what she was telling me. I learned the power of forgiveness for yourself and others. I kicked the negative voices out of my head, and told them not to come back! Yes they are stubborn and do reappear but I automatically shut them down and switch to something happy, no matter how random or silly it may be.
     It only took me a couple weeks to see that the shift in my thoughts had resulted to shifts in my behaviors and my world around me. I’ve come a long way from the lost soul I used to be. My husband and I have a strong, deeper relationship than we ever had, a newfound appreciation and respect for the other. We now truly have a happy home with our beautiful children. Who would have thought that year through hell, would have been one of the best things to happen to us? I guess everything really does happen for a reason, even if it seems impossible to see.
     I was driving home the day after my other moms surprise birthday party and a night with my best friend, it was a beautiful sunny day, blue skies and colorful leaves everywhere. I was rocking out to my Grateful cd, and out of nowhere my purpose shined through. It finally hit me!! Instantly my heart and soul were filling up with possibilities. I was so overwhelmed with joy and excitement! I had never felt so creative before! In one way, shape or form I am going to spread the power of gratitude, kindness, and compassion, and inspire at least one person to find the courage to make a change. I look forward to sharing my life with you, both past and present. Be Grateful.